"Feelings - Nothing More Than Feelings"

The woman in your life will want to understand your "feelings". Now, when confronted with this, you will react in a number of possible ways.

1) You will laugh and say, "Yeah, and could you help me with my girdle, babe?"

2) You will be convulsed with a searing stomach pain and a cold sweat. Consumed by a sense of panic, you scan the room for exits and find none. You dash for the nearest wall, hoping you can smash through it to freedom,  leaving one of those cartoon - y holes in the shape of your sprinting body.

3) You have an honest, open discussion of your feelings where you not only share, but listen to her with an open, empathetic ear. There will be weeping. And you'll wonder where you misplaced your penis.

The most important thing to understand is that you and your woman are speaking about entirely different things. She will want to know about "happy", "sad" or "Needing to shop" while you will be fixated upon "hungry", "thirsty" or "horny". The mistake that most couples make is treating this as if it was a solvable problem, that they should "communicate". That should be avoided at all costs. More relationships have been destroyed by unsuccessful communication than by infidelity.


The first step to addressing communication issues is to eliminate the practice of "talking about your feelings." This leads to confusion and resentment. It's been said, "Asking a man about his feelings is like asking a cow to dance." (All right, I just made up that quote. But then, technically, it's been said, right?)        

We can't talk about our feelings. Don't expect us to. Actually, the problem is handled simply. When she asks about your feelings and there is no escape, confine your response to as few words as possible. "Mike, hungry", "Mike happy", "Mike sad."Tap your inner Hulk. No one has any question what they Incredible Hulk may be thinking. Keep it simple. You will be satisfied. And for her?

Tap your inner Carol Brady. You are supermom. He is a colicky newborn. You come across a crying newborn. He is desperate, miserable and can't communicate. So, to solve the problem, you go through a checklist of questions. Is he hungry? Sleepy? Does he have a poopy diaper?  And you go through the solutions. You put him down for a nap, you hold him, you burp him, it depends on the problem. At the end of the day, sometimes, you just need to give him the boob.